Team Mom Job Description
Our Mission: To raise the next generation the best that we know how, aiming for perfection while settling for not completely screwing up our client's life.
Our Team: Team Mom is full of Warriors. Women that do not give up, do not understand the word “quit” and embrace a life of chaos and constant change
How to Apply: Applications must be processed during ovulation. Clothing and Barry White is optional. Interpersonal skills with others will be considered an asset.
Hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week plus overtime. At Team Mom we do not take part in breaks or sick days.
You will receive a 9 month training period in which to prepare for your client's arrival. You will be given textbooks, access to google and constantly bombarded with other team Mom advice.
At the end of this training period, you will dive in nose deep to a vigorous 3 month,24 hour a day training exercise where you will experience sleep deprivation, day long meal fasts and immense psychological trauma.
Once you have completed the 3 month training, you will continue to stay educated, adapt to any new situation and learn how to better yourself for your position every day for the rest of your life.
Salary: Absolutely nothing. This is a volunteer position. You will also be required to pay for all needed supplies, materials, housing as well as food rations.
As a member of team mom:
You will be expected to maintain a clean and organized living space while constantly monitoring the environment for possible safety hazards.
Maintain a quality caring and supportive environment while planning all daily activities and keeping your client satisfied in the process.
Be able to use communication effectively and have superior listening skills with the ability to translate any language or body gesture to determine your clients specific needs.
Cooking all meals and preparing snacks as well as planning meals to meet the nutritional needs of your client.
Each member at team mom will be expected to maintain positive public relations within their community.
You must be able to lift up to 50 lbs, not sit still for longer than 5 minutes at a time and be able to maintain awareness of all surroundings on no sleep.
You will be expected to bathe, feed, diaper change, teach, cuddle, and mentor your client as well as be available 24/7 for any needed therapy sessions.
Provide age appropriate supervision and discipline techniques without raising your voice, losing your cool, swearing or consuming alcohol.
Job Performance: will be measured by your end product through various judgment sessions including but not limited to:
Child’s healthy doctor checkups
Child’s Milestone development
Child’s Ability to maintain a healthy diet
Child’s Literature and cognitive skills
Child’s Preparedness for tasks and duties
Child’s Polished physical appearance
Child’s Emotional well-being
Child’s Social skills
Being a mom means being selfless,
It is being on all of the time.
Being a mom means sharing,
And knowing your life is not just “mine”.
Being a mom means giving,
Even when you have nothing left to give.
Being a mom means sacrifice,
And completely changing the way you live.
Being a mom means unconditional love,
Being a doctor, a teacher and a chef.
It means you work 24 hours a day,
And the last thing you have time for is rest.
But being a mom means that you’re a leader,
That gets to shape a life.
It means after a long hard day,
you know you’ve done one thing right.
You get to find out what life is actually about,
Once you hold your child’s tiny hand.
Being a mom means having that kind of love,
That only a Mom gets to understand.
Have You Applied?